Chasing Dreams.

The more I work, the more I feel an almost physical need to go back to the basics re-learning (and some times un-learn) fundamental elements in drawing. Being on my own I try to learn from books as well as through my own work, stretching my abilities, being honest about the fear and panic that sometimes comes out of the blue when I feel lost, keeping the goal open, trying to let the process show the way to new discoveries. Trying to be kind to myself when I get frustrated, leaving things as they are instead of overworking, starting afresh with the new problem at hand instead of doodeling around. It is scary. But it is the only way to progress.

Illustration of point: I have since long felt a need to include more elements in my paintings. I felt I had done enough of the silent landscapes and it felt like I was about to repeat myself. Not good. So I looked through some photos I had taken and found a scene I liked: a Maasai sheperd walking home from Aitong after a day out grazing his herd.

 

I combined that with a painting I had started on but had gotten stuck with out of fear of “destroying it”:

and it ended up like this:

(Walking home, acrylic on canvas 100X130 cm)

Now, it is not perfect, I know. But I am going to allow it to stay like this. In fact, I am taking it to an exhibition that I am having in the town of Nanuki opening next week to see what the reactions are.

I also made a smaller version of the sheperd using more decorative elements to see how that could come out:

(Acrylic on MDF, 20X30 cm)

So, now I have a new world to explore. Let’s see where the road goes…

dealing with this more naturalistic approach led me to read again Betty Edwards book on drawing actually doing again all the exersizes that I have somehow dreaded. It went well with reading Buddhist philosophy (H.H. Dalai Lama, “How to see yourself as you really are”) art philosophy (Rudolf Arnheims “Visual Thinking” and R.G.Collingwoods “Outlines of a Philosophy on Art” are books I come back to again and again). Books on writing &creativity (Steven Pressfields “the War of Art” is a MUST for anyone stuck anywhere, anytime) as well as other miscellanious things. Listening with an open mind make me realize how many similarities there are regarding battles we all must face, and how many ways to solve them that exist. So, it is realistic (to say it with His Holiness) to work on attaining some insight as it surely is more beneficial than living in a world of illusions and misunderstandings. And we need help, because many ways that works are counter-intuitive until we are shown how it works. So I am very grateful that these people have worked so hard to show their way so we all can benefit in our own processes, whatever they might be.

Engaging in a craft, with the aim to master it  is a very good tool indeed for living a good life. (Dog breeder? Cultivator of wines? Carpenter? Writer? Trombone player? Fashionista? sure! Bureaucrat? mmm… no comments… but perhaps he or she does something creative in after-hours?)

I have to understand the dimentionality, solidity, angle, flavour, weight and lightness of my subject in its context before I can draw or paint it successfully. Some call that empathy with the subject. I empathise with this idea. But, at the same time, it is scary. I realize my shortcomings. It takes a lot of dedicated time and real battles with inner Demons to be allowed to enter unknown territories. But, since we only live one life at a time we can just as well take on the job of living it fully. Marcus Aurelius wrote: “Don’t be disturbed. Uncomplicate yourself. … Life is short, That’s all there is to say.”

So easy. So difficult.